physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
