How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
