woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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