We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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