i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
