i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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