I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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