Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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