I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
