Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My life is pants optional.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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