dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
