im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
