I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
