Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
