just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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