you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
