I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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