so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
