fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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