yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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