so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
