As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
