He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
