HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
