I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
