and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
