You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
