pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
