Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
