I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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