I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am puke
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
