so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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