I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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