is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
