Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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