My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
