fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
