So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
