i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
