wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
