i barfeds in our rink
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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