New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you had me at cake vodka
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
