i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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