This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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