sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
