I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Terrible idea I love it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
