you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
