i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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