Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
