I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
