Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
