i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Randomize
