I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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