I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
