End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
