We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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