WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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