Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
