dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
